Closed Portals

For most life is full of scenes and visions and moments and experiences that

are able to be escaped from in the comfort of the night

you close your eyes

you drift away into sleep

and all of those painful images just go away for at least a little while

then there are those like me

who rather use tape to keep open his eyes

unknown of what the feeling of real rest is

I am going on over 10 years of unknown nights

sleep is not peaceful and drifted into

it is abrupt and sudden

it is something I am thrown into

and then ripped out of just as fast

can never relax too much

then these locks and dead bolts will not last

the truly sad casualty of all of this

is my mother cannot speak to me anymore due to the risk

of something else coming and living within

of me going somewhere and never being able to return again

for some have seen a family member laid to rest

some even seen friends slain too close to the chest

if my mind drifts too far I can still taste it

that feeling of dead flesh, rotting away, wasting

within my mouth and retching from the stench

it is a different lingering feeling to walk in a room and feel uneasy

yet there is no one there physically

to feel as if closing your eyes makes you too vulnerable

doors locked, back against the wall, poised to strike

and in the end

it is only you, the dark, and the light.

Just more of a way that I have been isolated to be alone

too dangerous to fly free


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