Notebook Chronicles #32

Have you ever known pain to be a drug? I do not mean that addiction you can not let go of
I mean that pain that lasts so long to keep you aware, keep your mind alert
Or basically that pain that finally stop the thoughts
stops the forward thinking
stops all recollection of intellect and ingenuity
makes you feel normal
someone who can be just like the others
because it rips away your individuality
tears away the fabrics of what makes you
the person you really are
the gifted
the eccentric enigma emerging enthusiastically
this is the man you do not want in your circles
in your intimate friends
the one who will tell you the truth
and protect your heart in the end
the one who will go to war for you
with you and stand beside you
this is the person you want out-of-the-way
the person you want around in only a certain way
the drug has taken over his brain
the migraine, the pain, the pounding inside of his chest
it separates him from being the man you dislike
makes him into someone you can like
much better to accept someone for who you want them to be
versus accept them for the greatness that you can not attain to be
because you should not want to be me
I am broken, fragile, hurt, torn apart
yet through it all my ashes are also the fire that scorches my heart
gives me the fight to keep doing or keep being me just that much longer
through all the hurt and anguish
my tolerance for life is much stronger


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