Accepted Value

My aspirations and dreams had nothing to do with singing

When I was young, writing was the farthest from my mind

drawing little houses with grass and a sun in the sky

even when it comes down to it, technology was not an inkling

I was a blank slate, my fun consisted of imitation karate

hanging in the yard of a friend, laughing at our scrapes knees

thinking about game systems with unlimited cheats

I still needed to be molded, still needed that spark of seeking discovery

Yet that spark was destroyed, inquisitiveness lost, I had a goal in mind

only to understand the tragedy I had just endured, no drive

formidable years spent being the person who garnered attention

through an expression of talents that came from circumstance

weight loss due to depression and mental abuse on the one hand

fitness and activities came from hanging out and gaining friends

writing and singing started as outlets to let out my pain and anguish

then became a talent, something that would be admired despite my wishes

learning how to dance to avoid more mockery

learning how to act to embrace more creativity

I felt valued throughout my depression due to the results of fighting through the pain

even though in all honesty, I was fighting without a plan, without a goal to attain

so when that acceptance waned and my value in this world faded as well

the battle was lost and soon became the struggle to survive

struggle to find that spark again, that aspiration, that dream

even now, this sense of value wanes, I desire to be noticed to be seen…..

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